I won’t really say much in this write-up like I normally do when I want to make an entry that connects. Instead, I only want to talk about verbs. Just two verbs, to be exact. Two verbs that fuck me up real nice.
See, the problem with hopes and expectations is you are never ready for how bad you’re going to feel when things fall short of how you intended them to end up. There’s no warning of how bad and how utterly regretful it can get when you finally realize that all the promises, all the plans, all the long term goals you have set, are simply just what they are; and God forbid, what they’re only ever going to be. Concepts.
Concepts of good intentions.
My friends, there is nothing more poisonous, more toxic, more morally damaging to the heart and mind, than the promise of good intentions set as concepts and supported by the verbs Will, and Can.
Supporting Verb 1: WILL
Will is where it starts. Will is the verb that sets everything in motion. It’s the verb that perfectly describes the promise of intention that tricks people into believing in you without you actually needing to do anything yet; or in my case, ever.
Allow yourself a moment to digest this concept
“I will be good.”
Sounds really promising, right? But what do you say when you’re finally asked: When?
Will is a powerful verb, but its enemy is sure as hell as equally powerful if not moreso. While it holds great power in making people stay and endure your seemingly endless and repetitive stupidity in making the wrong choices, it is not without limit. Because its enemy is Time.
Time trumps your willingness to be good simply because you can’t expect people to put their happiness on hold to wait forever for an asshole that is only willing to be good but never actually is.
Hindi ka magiging mabuti sa laging pagsabi na magiging mabuti ka.
Supporting Verb 2: Can
Can offers the ability and opportunity to make possible of any good intention. It speaks of capacity and one’s overall skill to put in real effort in proving that these concepts of good intentions can be transformed into actual truths.
Internalize and truly feel this concept for example:
“I can be good.”
Now, don’t get too hopeful just because it doesn’t sound like it’s strongly constrained by time; for it is, however, easily defeatable by conscious action, or lack thereof. What it comes down to is what you actually do rather than what you say you can do. Because what use do good intentions have when you can’t even pull your own head out of your fucking ass to really understand what needs to be done or what it actually fucking means to be good?
What it comes down to is being able to wrap your brain around the fact that people get tired of waiting. That they get tired of being let down all the time. That most of the time, the things you do are just as awful as the things you don’t do, and that they can’t stick around loving somebody who’s only good at saying beautiful things but never at actually doing them.
Paano ka magiging mabuti kung ang kaya mo lang gawin ay paulit-uliting sabihin na kaya mo?
You will not be good. You cannot be good. Because the only true concept is:
“You aren’t good.”